Many times throughout our lives we will inevitably reach troubled and lean days. Days when we can't seem to get off of the couch we sleep on, or put on clean clothes because in all reality, our hearts just aren't in it. Today was one of those days, but fortunately those are my favorite kind of days, the only thing that keeps me going.
Met a girl a year or so back, whose name I'll purposefully fail to mention, for confidentiality reasons. She's talented, and beautiful, smart, and wonderful. It's such an unfortunate fact that I'm a human chum-bucket that cannot please even the people that I hold most dear to me. Is it best to die alone, neglecting to neglect your loved ones? Or would it be best to delve into a situation in which you know not the outcome? These questions betroth me, I need answers and I need them now.
It's crucial now more than ever because this is the point in life where I need to explore and get out into the rest of the world; witness the other grotesque things that take place day to day.
But
the answers
never come because
nobody has received the
answer themselves. A Spark of
life is a highly overestimated thing.
It doesn't get you anything you need.
It doesn't deliver anything you want to have.
I'll get drunk by myself from now on.
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I feel like this post could have been written by me on any given day over the past two years. Well, maybe not. I was so fucking lazy I couldn't even start a blog. It also appears we have a few other things in common:
1) McCormick vodka
2) music creation (though I'm starting to give up)
3) long nights of drinking, cursing, & smoking
4) dreams about the ex-wife
5) other generally depressing shit
Though I can't offer any definitive answers as to your particular situations, I can tell you what I did for myself last week. I found cheap airfare, dragged myself out of my coma, and got on a plane to visit a friend for a few days. It was the best thing I could have done. I tell you, there's nothing like traveling and seeing new places to kick-start the mind and body. I'm generally still fucked, but at least I have a better attitude about it. However, my epic-length nightmares have made me scared of dying.
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